One Too Many

Caller: "My girlfriend had too much to drink and now she doesn't want to breath."

Post-Death Call For Help

Caller: "I think I'm dead"

I'm not a doctor but I'm pretty sure the ability to speak is a fairly clear indication of life.

Einstein's Brother

So when you are acting so terrible that the cops call you a cab to send you home, is stiffing the cabbie the best idea?? The cops called the cab, they know where you live!

I Didn't Even Know What To Say

Caller: "Someone broke into my house and wrote all over the walls and me"

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Caller: "Someone is messing with me again. They stole my storm window and hit my dog on the head"

Your Guess Is As Good As Mine

My partner tonight to a lady on the phone:

"Ma'am, what language are you speaking?"

Beater

A call came in regarding a man who was sitting in his car in a store parking lot, wearing only pantyhose, and masturbating.

My coworker runs his plate and it comes back to what most would consider an older, crappy car. Her response to this info: "gives beater a whole new meaning, huh?"

I laughed so hard I almost fell over!

A Neighborhood Plagued By Rogue Postmen

Someone called in to report that someone was going down the street and taking mail from mailboxes, but only the ones with the flag up.

Hmmmm . . . . . wonder who would take mail from mailboxes with the flag up? Must have been Santa!