Monday, January 30, 2006


If you want to hit another car in a parking lot and take off, that is your prerogative. My only suggestion would be to make sure you do not leave behind evidence that could link you to the crime. In this instance the driver left a bumper, complete with license plate. I'm thinking the investigators won't be losing any sleep over this case.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Band-Aids Fix Everything

Short version - Man gets shot

Long version - 30 year old son comes home to find dad super drunk. This pisses son off so son shoots dad. Son then leaves and calls 911 from his friend's house. Police and paramedics show up to assist dad. Dad, being a logical drunk, has put a band-aid over the bullet wound and refuses medical attention because he has already taken care of his injury.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

We're Not Supposed To Hurt People

My coworker answering the phone tonight:

"Police and fire, how may I hurt you?"

Friday, January 20, 2006

Finders Keepers

If you have the bad habit of losing your keys, placing one of those "please return to: name, address, phone number" cards on your keychain may work in Pleasantville. In reality this is a surefire way for the finder to get into your house and become the keeper of all your nice things.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Sometimes The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree

2 kids get pulled over and subsequently arrested - the driver for dui and the passenger for possession. After being processed and ticketed at the police station the passenger is free to go home. Mom is called, but when she arrives she blows a .25, is arrested, and her car is impounded. Dad goes to to pick up the car the next morning at the impound lot and blows a .15.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Why Wait Until The Forth Bottle??

If you work at a grocery store and decide to call about a lady who is wandering the store eating bottles of baby powder, when is a good time to call in? Well for this employee it seems witnessing this woman eat the first, second, and third bottle was not of concern but as soon as she started on that forth one, it was time to call the authorities!

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Last Time I Checked This Wasn't Nevada

And therefore prostitution is not legal. So why do you think officers are going to be sympathetic to the fact that the woman you paid $25 to "service" you took off with $500 and two computers?

Monday, January 09, 2006

Answer Me This

In what universe is it an emergency that your recycling wasn't picked up?

Friday, January 06, 2006


A lady calls to make a harassment complaint and then calls back a short time later because there is someone knocking on her door. Duh - it is the officer you idiot!

It is times like these that I am tempted to wrap my headset cord around my neck and pull.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Let Me Consult My Crystal Ball

I spent a good deal of time the other night trying to explain to a caller that the police had no way of just “finding her car.” She explained to me that she let someone use her car and they hadn’t returned it yet. The caller kept saying that she just wanted the police to “find her car.” She was convinced the police had some magical way of locating it and didn’t believe me when I tried to explain that if she didn’t know where her car was and there wasn’t an address or area she wanted the police to check, the police had no way of knowing either. Poor girl just didn’t get it!

Monday, January 02, 2006

The Great Tampon Caper

A female clerk from a gas station calls in a theft. She explains that another female, who she knows, came into the station and asked her if she had any tampons. The clerk said no, so the female concealed a box under her coat, headed to the bathroom, and after she left the clerk found the empty box in the stall and called the police.

When the officer arrives at the gas station he asks the clerk how much the stolen tampons cost, hands the clerk $3, and tells her "tell that girl she owes me $3," and leaves without any further action.

I'm thinking the officer didn't want to have to deal with trying to recover the stolen goods :)